time and time again...
A long, long, long overdue post. Time waits for no one, we march along, day by day, and before you know it, August rolls into September which is quickly blowing its way into October with the hint of burning leaves and wood burning fire places in the air. I love fall, the colors, scents, feelings, hot chocolate, pumpkins, memories and nostalgia that it brings. I do feel however, somewhat melancholy this season with so many things going on in our lives. If you read my ever-more-faithful-at-blogging husband’s blog you will have caught a glimpse into what is going on within our household.
I am eight weeks pregnant, with a healthy six week check-up, and another one on tap for Monday where we should be able to hear the heartbeat. After a miscarriage in December they have wanted to be extra careful but my hormone levels are good, the “sack” looked good and I have been so incredibly sick, everyday, all day and of course, they say, that’s a good sign too. Yeah for sick. I have also caught a cold this week and have been pretty miserable and tired with that, on top of everything else. I have also developed an aversion for most food, since I am constantly sick, but am especially sickened by the thought of meat right, any kind of meat. Two months ago I didn’t think there was anything more beautiful that a nice, grilled porterhouse, now even the thought of typing those words make my belly flop over. Apart from being sick, we are very, very excited and I think that the initial shock and being scared has worn off.
However, balancing that excitement has been really hard because my mom continues to get more and more sick. Her liver disease continues to attack her body and it has, within the last two weeks, pretty much shut down a lot of her fine motor skills due to the backup of toxins in her brain. She can not write, can barely hold a fork and has difficulty walking. She has to have a cardiac cath done in early October and then she was told, by her specialist, that if it comes out clean, they will put her at the top of the transplant list. This is both an exciting yet overwhelming possibility. So, each day I am struggling with the excitement of new life within me and the excitement of having children but also watching my mom and best girlfriend become more and more ill. My dad is exhausted, physically and emotionally and has hired a home health nurse to come and help out during the days. Although I know that relieves some stress, it can not even begin to touch on the overwhelming stress that we are all living with each day. It is a gamble each morning of whether or not she will be with it mentally or not. When she is not, she is almost like an Alzheimer’s patient who has no concept of time, space or reality.
This weekend my aunt (mom’s sister) and uncle and grandparents (mom’s) are coming from Pennsylvania to visit. I think that it will be good for everyone to get to see each other and we are just praying that mom will have a couple of good, clear days so that she can visit.
I have no deep or profound thoughts right now, just trying to each day process what is happening and trying to find my footing on how I feel about it all. I am excited to be a mom and a parent with my husband, I can’t wait to watch him be a dad and I can not wait to see if my mom, God willing, will be able to get her life back with a transplant. With that said, enjoy this fall weekend, walk in some leaves and buy a pumpkin, that will make you smile!
I am eight weeks pregnant, with a healthy six week check-up, and another one on tap for Monday where we should be able to hear the heartbeat. After a miscarriage in December they have wanted to be extra careful but my hormone levels are good, the “sack” looked good and I have been so incredibly sick, everyday, all day and of course, they say, that’s a good sign too. Yeah for sick. I have also caught a cold this week and have been pretty miserable and tired with that, on top of everything else. I have also developed an aversion for most food, since I am constantly sick, but am especially sickened by the thought of meat right, any kind of meat. Two months ago I didn’t think there was anything more beautiful that a nice, grilled porterhouse, now even the thought of typing those words make my belly flop over. Apart from being sick, we are very, very excited and I think that the initial shock and being scared has worn off.
However, balancing that excitement has been really hard because my mom continues to get more and more sick. Her liver disease continues to attack her body and it has, within the last two weeks, pretty much shut down a lot of her fine motor skills due to the backup of toxins in her brain. She can not write, can barely hold a fork and has difficulty walking. She has to have a cardiac cath done in early October and then she was told, by her specialist, that if it comes out clean, they will put her at the top of the transplant list. This is both an exciting yet overwhelming possibility. So, each day I am struggling with the excitement of new life within me and the excitement of having children but also watching my mom and best girlfriend become more and more ill. My dad is exhausted, physically and emotionally and has hired a home health nurse to come and help out during the days. Although I know that relieves some stress, it can not even begin to touch on the overwhelming stress that we are all living with each day. It is a gamble each morning of whether or not she will be with it mentally or not. When she is not, she is almost like an Alzheimer’s patient who has no concept of time, space or reality.
This weekend my aunt (mom’s sister) and uncle and grandparents (mom’s) are coming from Pennsylvania to visit. I think that it will be good for everyone to get to see each other and we are just praying that mom will have a couple of good, clear days so that she can visit.
I have no deep or profound thoughts right now, just trying to each day process what is happening and trying to find my footing on how I feel about it all. I am excited to be a mom and a parent with my husband, I can’t wait to watch him be a dad and I can not wait to see if my mom, God willing, will be able to get her life back with a transplant. With that said, enjoy this fall weekend, walk in some leaves and buy a pumpkin, that will make you smile!
posted by Anna at
11:58 AM
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